Op-Ed: The Lounge | A Column for Men: Forgive AND Forget

This is going to be a tough topic to explore, and some may not ever agree with me on this. However, the more I have pondered and studied on forgiveness, both from a practical perspective as well as a spiritual one, I have discovered something interesting.

When we consider the importance of forgiveness, specifically for ourselves and our own wellness, we often overlook the significance of forgetting. I, like many others, said, “I can forgive, but I can’t forget” for years. What I have uncovered is this mentality limits the true power of letting go.

To put it bluntly, you can’t hang on and let go at the same time. You may be saying, “Of course, that doesn’t make sense,” and yet that is exactly what is happening when you don’t forget, let alone forgive. I understand that we believe you can’t forget what has happened to you. But memory is a funny neurological process. Once an event has passed, it has evaporated into the ether for time. It can never be experienced the same way again. This is because time never stops. Even if you could recreate something, there are factors outside of your control that will be different. The sky, birds and insects, plants, planetary alignment will all be positioned differently, if they exist at all in that frame. What you are recollecting is how something made you feel.